mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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