there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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