so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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