Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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