youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
