Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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