WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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