I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
