I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
