his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
