My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
