we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
