I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So squirting runs in the family.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
