My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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