if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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