wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize