Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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