he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
