these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
