I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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