you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
