You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize