I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
