saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
