i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
