Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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