have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize