Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
