Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
