if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Randomize
