So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
