Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
