I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
