so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
