i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
