You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
