my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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