I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize