apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
