her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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