i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
