Plan B is the new Plan A
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
