I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
