I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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