No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
