Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize