dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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