he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
