I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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