Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
