there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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