Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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