Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
