i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
