You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize