i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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