you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
