He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
