from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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