Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
