the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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