We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
