i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He felt like a one man threesome
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
