Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
