Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
