I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
