I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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