He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
