Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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