Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
