What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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