What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
