are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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