drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
