It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
my god I love twenty year old dicks
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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