I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
