She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
