Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
