i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
