Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
