Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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