she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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