shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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