Your tits are I can't wait for
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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