I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
